


you've got some nerve (and i have questions)

by murphysarc



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Future Fic, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Tattoos, also, and a lot of feelings get addressed, and fixed, basically it's the space gang, space
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 14:02:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11186622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/murphysarc/pseuds/murphysarc
Summary: what does a shark, a sword, and some snow all have in common? well, not much.in other words, the space gang get tattoos and work out some feelings along the way. post 4x13. title from my latest obsession, “i have questions” by camila cabello.





	you've got some nerve (and i have questions)

_ i’m way too young to be this hurt… _

Murphy cradles the leather-bound journal to his chest. It is almost as if he believes that if he closes his eyes and holds it tight enough, the grey world around him will vanish and he will be back - 

back to endless nights, running through broken forests - 

back to sleepless days, hot sand burning his bare feet - 

back to waking nightmares of death and destruction and torture and - 

Well, call him a sadist, but he misses it. 

Earth, though it may be hostile, though it may currently be a scorching nuclear rock, sounds more appealing to him than spending another day in space does. It’s not that he isn’t grateful. He is - more than his present company knows.

It’s just - there are memories tied to this place. Over in the corner was where he played as a young boy, as John, across the hall Mbege used to share his dessert with him, a little ways down and to the left was where his mother took her final breath and in a way, so did he -

There are memories tied to this place, ones that cannot be counteracted with positive thoughts. Yes, on Earth his body was broken, battered, his mind was bruised, but out of it all came Emori, came absolution, came the realization that he actually  _ could _ have a purpose, if he wanted to - 

There are memories tied to every place his feet touch, but the ones formed in space are not ones that he ever wished to revisit. 

But these are thoughts for his journal, an old brown book he found wedged underneath three probably more important instruction manuals. Raven snatched those up mere minutes after they found their space legs, while Murphy thought the journal was far more intriguing. 

After all, only one page had been written in, and only one word graced the front page - ‘ _ help.’ _

He finds it rather comical.

/////

Emori sits to his left, Monty to his right, Bellamy directly across. Echo and Harper each claimed a spot next to Bellamy. Raven is, as always, nowhere to be seen. 

Earth is a flaming ball of nothing, easily visible out the window. Stars light up the sky around it. No one finds the view that interesting. 

“The algae’s good this morning,” Monty remarks, but he doesn’t move from his spot. Lately, Monty’s taken over Murphy’s role of giving snarky comments about their misfortunes. Murphy doesn’t have it in him anymore.

“It’s definitely not morning,” Harper replies, her soft smile nothing more than a teasing gesture. 

A few moments of silence pass by the table, and then, “How are we going to measure time from this position?” It’s Emori. Her words surprise almost everyone at the table, if only for the reason that she normally observes quietly. 

“That’s a good point,” Monty says quietly, still looking down. “Without the sun-”

“This is why nobody belongs in space,” Echo grumbles, probably still bitter that Bellamy saved her life. 

Murphy nods, thinking things over for once in his life. “We won’t know when five years are going to have passed. How long are we going to stay in space?”

“Forever, if we have to.” Bellamy’s words are slow, calm, and altogether pretty unimpressive, considering. 

“We already tried that, once,” Murphy reminds him gently. 

Bellamy’s eyes slowly rise to join his, and there is something there, something that reassures every doubt that Murphy’s ever had. “We’ll find a way, but until then, we stay here, where it’s safe. For forever. If we have to.”

“Forever is an awfully long time, Blake,” Murphy whispers. The words are barely audible, and yet - 

_ Ten, maybe fifteen years ago, young John Murphy runs down the halls of the Ark, a slightly older Bellamy Blake chasing him - _

_ “Tag! You’re it!” Bellamy roars, moving to run the other way - _

_ “How long are we doing to keep doing this?” Murphy yells, struggling to keep up -  _

_ “Forever, if we have to!” comes the reply, and they do, and they still are chasing each other down musty halls and dimly lit walls -  _

_ They will always be chasing each other -  _

Bellamy doesn’t speak, but somehow, Murphy knows they are both immersed in the same memory. 

There are memories tied to this place. With the proper context, some of them can be good.

/////

Raven bursts into the room only minutes later. “You’ll never guess what I found,” she declares, sitting on top of the table instead of pulling up a chair. Space has made her restless, at least, in a more visible way. 

“A way of getting out of here?” Echo mutters. Space has not changed her. 

“Something even cooler,” Raven says, drawing her hand out from behind her back to reveal a small, tube-like object. The bottom of the tube is far narrower than the rest of the apparatus. It looks almost like a needle. 

“What is it?” Harper asks after a pause. 

Raven acts offended before answering, “It’s a tattoo gun!”

Murphy raises his eyebrows in amusement before he can stop himself. “Forgive me, but why is this interesting?”

_ “Because _ ,” Raven says, “On the old-time Ark, tattoos were only for official purposes. But  _ before _ the Ark, on Earth, tattoos were done for fun. They meant something. Anyone could get one, and...well, I may or may not know how to use one of these things and I thought-”

“Sign me up,” Monty says before she’s even done her long-winded explanation. “You can tattoo me right here, right now.”

Raven smiles. “Now  _ that _ is what I like to hear.”

/////

Raven decides to move her tattoo business into an adjoining room, ‘for the sake of privacy.’ Monty immediately follows her, Harper not far behind. Echo leaves by herself, but Murphy knows her well enough by now to see that she’s interested, too. 

“I think,” Emori says, filling the silence, “that I would like to add another marking.”

Murphy nods, observing the tattoos already filling her skin for the thousandth time. “I suppose Grounders didn’t get tattoos for fun,” he says. “What would you like to get?”

“Every clan carries a symbol with them, distinct to each, but I...I was never given that right,” she explains. “I think that I would like to get one.”

Murphy nods. It makes sense. “Which clan?”

She seems to struggle for the right words, before settling on, “The insignia of the Sky People.”

A deserving smile falls on Murphy’s lips. “I am very glad to hear that,” he says, squeezing her hand. She rises. 

“Are you going to come?” she asks.

“Not yet,” he says. “But - soon.”

Emori nods, squeezing his hand in return, before exiting from the room. Murphy watches her go, his eyes staying locked on the door even when she is far out of sight. 

“What’s the delay?” Bellamy asks, leaning forward. He’s genuinely curious, and that’s what gets Murphy the most. 

“It’s complicated.”

“Always is. Tell me anyways.” The air of strength around Bellamy never fails to surprise, impress, and intimidate Murphy all at once. 

He swallows, unsure of where to proceed. All his defense mechanisms have long since been stripped away, stolen by fake oxygen and low gravity. “I guess,” he says, “that I don’t really know who I am.”

Bellamy seems surprised by his words. He tries not to let it show, Murphy can tell, but he’s been around him for so many years that he can tell every emotion by the way they move across his eyes. “I don’t understand,” Bellamy finally says.

Murphy laughs, a real, genuine sound. “That’s the thing. I don’t either.”

A pause. Bellamy’s waiting. Murphy can’t stop now.

“In space, before, I was the kid who killed his father, the pyromaniac, a villain. On Earth, I was a liability, a victim, the one who got taken advantage of because of actions committed long ago...but there was  _ good _ there, I know I can be a  _ good _ person because of it, maybe not the hero, but good nonetheless - but now we’re back, and maybe the cycle is going to start itself over again. Maybe I’m not meant to be good.”

Bellamy is quiet. It’s over. Murphy’s wrecked it once again - 

“I get it,” Bellamy says, interrupting what was yet to be another downward spiral.

“You do?”

“Of course,” he says. “Now, come on. Let’s get tattoos.”

/////

When they enter Raven’s ‘tattoo shop’, they find a crying Monty and Harper, wrapped together in an endless embrace. Both of their wrists now contain visible images - Harper has a tea cup, and Monty carries a pair of goggles. Both of the images are beautiful. Both are full of pain. 

Echo sits in the corner, a fresh image of a snowflake on her collarbone. She catches Murphy looking, but doesn’t snap at him like he thinks she will. “I wish that our last moment together had not been what it was - a banishing,” she explains. “I wish that we could have gone back to the land of snow. I wish - I wish that he was here.” 

She doesn’t need to say anymore. Murphy knows.

Emori walks towards him, tears glistening in her eyes, but they are full of happiness and hope. “It’s beautiful,” she whispers, pulling off her glove to reveal a circular globe, an exact replica of Earth. The fact that she chose her disabled hand to place it on proves that she is even further along the path of emotional healing than any of the rest of them. 

“I’m so proud of you,” he whispers, gently kissing her hand. She smiles, and then gestures towards Raven, seated in the middle of the room. 

“Murphy!” Raven calls, and he makes his way over there. “What’ll it be?”

He lets out a breath, and then, “Raven, did you ever hear the stories about the eagles?”

Her eyes widen. “Yeah, of course. The majestic birds, whose wingspans could stretch from one side of the sun to the other. Pity they aren’t still around.”

Thoughts race inside his mind a million miles an hour, but in this moment, he has never felt more grounded. “I’d like one of them, if you could.”

The smile that falls onto her mouth proves more than he imagined. “Of course, Murphy.”

She places it on the small of his back, and when it is done, he finally feels free.

/////

He waits for Bellamy to finish because, it turns out, that is who Murphy is. 

An image of a sword stretches down Bellamy’s forearm when Raven is done, a constant reminder of his sister and the struggles that they have both gone through. “It’s amazing,” Murphy says honestly. “Raven, these are amazing. Thank you.”

She just smiles. “Of course.”

“Did you get one, or?”

“I did one on myself first,” she says. “I had to make sure I could do it right.” She pushes up her sleeve to reveal a black and white image of a shark fin, just above rapid waves. “It’s to remind me that things are deceiving,” she explains.

Murphy thinks that the reason it’s a shark  _ fin _ is not a coincidence, but he keeps quiet. Instead, his eyes find the one window in the room, and he watches the stars in silence.

“How long do you think we’ll be in space for?” Raven asks, quietly, unwilling to meet their eyes.

“Forever, if we have to,” Murphy says. Bellamy’s eyes begin to twinkle. 

“Raven, if you’re up for it, I think we need two more tattoos,” he says. 

/////

Half an hour later, each of their left ankles holds a small infinity symbol, unbroken, forever turning. 

They hold hands, the three of them, in one moment of unified strength. Earth is a nuclear wasteland, but they - they are here, they are safe, they will survive, no matter the cost. 

Murphy never thought he’d get here, one hand in the grip of a girl he almost killed, one hand in the grip of a boy he almost killed -

but what happened on the ground does not matter here. Not anymore. 

They hold hands, the three of them, together watching a sun that will never set.

There are memories tied to this place, but memories can always be rewritten.

**Author's Note:**

> did ya catch that finn diss
> 
> anywho this was me scrambling to post something so hey ho hope it's good! the murphamy was limited for me I know but. I feel like it works for this situation. 
> 
> anyways pls comment/kudos/yell at me I would appreciate it


End file.
